You Used to Be Thin

You used to be thin is the comment that a family member made to me. A stream of words said with seemingly good intentions although I did not receive it that way because they were focused on their version of the truth. A truth that did not take into consideration all pertinent details surrounding my gradual weight gain particularly officially reaching menopause and re-starting on a medication known to cause significant weight gain. Their concern and what they understood to be the truth about my weight gain revolved around what I was eating and drinking. I refrained from responding at the time so that I could process how I was feeling about the comment. When I brought it up some time later in a joking manner amongst friends, the family member did not remember saying ‘you used to be thin.’ Words uttered and long forgotten except by the recipient. The words are seared in my brain as a reminder that we are sometimes judged by our outward bodily appearance rather than what is more important, our mental and spiritual inner state of being. Others make assumptions about why we appear a certain way without trying to fully understand all the circumstances contributing to our exterior facade.

Outward appearance is often relied upon when potential employers are sizing up job candidates. If they are thin, they must be more disciplined than their heavier peers. If they are athletic and trim, they will be more productive. Self-control is lacking in heavier potential hires whereas a thinner candidate obviously has it. A heavier and older person could be judged to be less energetic. A heavier worker may require more medical services potentially driving up employer paid healthcare costs. There are so many ways the thin versus heavier story is told in thoughts that arise like weeds sprouting up in an unmanaged yard. Discrimination on the basis of weight exists and it is a subtle form because most of the time, the person experiencing it never hears the words that form the discriminatory thoughts another person has about them.

In all honesty, my twenty-pound weight gain was indeed partially caused by poor dietary habits taken on during the stress of the 2020 pandemic which began at the same time I resigned from a new home sales consultant position ending a ten-year career in the new home industry. Menopause is not forgiving when it comes to poor dietary habits. Not everyone gains weight in menopause but many of us do. Toss in a medication that is known to cause significant weight gain and it’s the perfect ingredient for accumulating unwanted weight despite remaining physically active. Add a dose of stress, a known cause of weight gain, brought on by worrying about the well-being of family members dealing with their own mental and physical health struggles. Stir in dysfunction happening in the world. Sprinkle a dash of concerns about the direction our planet is heading in weighing heavy on my mind. Multiple ingredients made up a recipe for a long low-grade depression hanging over me and I was self-medicating with empty calories. The concerned family member was partially right. I may have been thinner before but I’m happier now.

“Seek first to understand, then to be understood.” – Habit 5 of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. It is the habit of empathic communication.