At the Core of It

The part of something or someone that is central to its existence or character is called the core. Other definitions of core include a basic, essential, enduring, most important or central part of something or someone. On a macro level, our planet Earth has both an inner and outer core, and on a micro level, humans have inner and outer cores. “The inner core (of Earth) was discovered in 1936 by Inge Lehmann and is generally believed to be composed primarily of iron and some nickel. Since this layer is able to transmit shear waves (aka transverse seismic waves), it must be solid. The liquid outer core surrounds the inner core and is believed to be composed of iron mixed with nickel and trace amounts of lighter elements.” (source: Wikipedia) Our individual cores are made up of our mental, emotional, moral and spiritual characteristics. No two of our cores are alike because each of us have collected a conglomeration of living and learning experiences that no other has.

Five manic episodes have manifested in my life. Three resulted in hospitalization. The most recent attack occurred in 2020 prior to and after leaving an undesirable to me work environment which I joined upon resigning from another undesirable to me work environment in 2019. “To me” is added because what is an undesirable or toxic environment to one individual may not even phase another. I resigned before the Covid-19 pandemic shutdown our planet because intuition was telling me the corporate world was no longer serving my highest purpose after more than three decades and two careers in banking and real estate sales. Healthcare and insurance systems failing me in 2018 – 2019 during a long physical illness that left me in great pain, barely able to stand or walk, and unable to practice yoga awakened me to the truth that we have to be our own advocate in the worst damned way. I stayed silent about things that disturbed me for many years to maintain peace but silence does not always lead to peace. Prolonged silence followed a bipolar 1 diagnosis in 2002, which made me question my sanity and everything I held to be true and right. Silence is encouraged and voicing one’s concerns is reprimanded in many personal, business and political relationships in which others may revert to destructive communication and actions when their ideas or actions are questioned or challenged.

The relationship to my manic attacks and mental and spiritual cores made more sense to me after reading The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine N Aron, Ph.D. This book discussed how to thrive in a world influenced by many people who are overwhelmingly insensitive to human suffering, and how their words and actions negatively impact others because they lack empathy and compassion. A highly sensitive person has a nervous system that can become easily overwhelmed by outside stimuli including other people, traumatic experiences, or hectic and negative personal and professional environments. I read the book over a decade ago and started on a yoga journey to strengthen my mental and spiritual cores so that I could survive and even thrive in a world where people can be cruel and insensitive. While I cannot control the behaviors of others that deeply disturb me, I learned I can control my reactions thereby maintaining my own inner peace. Strong mental and spiritual cores help us prevent injuries to ourselves and others by guiding our words and actions, and creating a space for us to achieve maximum performance wherever we set our intentions. When one has strong mental and spiritual cores one is able to figuratively move mountains especially when one’s actions are driven by love for humanity, and Earth and her abundance. One of the most powerful principles in yoga is connecting with the breath. The breath is said to have an intimate relationship to the movement of prana (life energy) throughout the entire body and therefore the entire nervous system. Additionally, yoga teaches that one can have blockages in the flow of energy. The blockages can occur in the chakras, which are the seven major energy centers in the human body and spirit, as defined in the Hindu culture. The chakras are along the spine, the center or core of the human body, and include from bottom to top: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third-eye and crown. Clearing chakra blockages is akin to the concept of pruning in the Christian faith. Both involve letting go of old emotional baggage and outdated belief systems that do not serve our higher purposes in life and only serve to weigh us down. Clearing blockages takes self-love, honoring ourselves, acknowledging our darkness, and embracing our light. Blocked chakras can negatively impact how well we feel mentally, spiritually and physically, and lower the positive vibration of the energy we emit to others and into the world.

In hindsight, each manic attack served a higher purpose that was not always evident at the time. This is not to minimize how destructive a manic attack can be to others and oneself. Each manic attack I’ve experienced was brought on by negative and chaotic personal or professional work environments, or a combination of both. In some cases, the attacks were due to experiences that disturbed me to the core of my being like running for political office two decades ago which resulted in my first manic attack and hospitalization. A reporter wrote that I might be too honest for politics. An alarming sentiment that is more prevalent than benefits us. Strengthening my mental and spiritual cores has involved overcoming fear of speaking up and disrupting ‘peace’ and the status quo when I intuitively feel that something goes against my mental, emotional, and spiritual cores which thrive on honesty and integrity. Writing and sharing intuitions, thoughts, feelings, wisdom and stories from an introvert and highly sensitive person’s perspective allows me to do so in hopes of helping others avoid the pitfalls I’ve encountered on my mental health journey. I no longer fear what others will think when I share the good, bad and ugly stories that make up my life.

Darkness and light exist as part of each of us just as darkness exists at the core of the Earth while light exists at its surface. Just as the Earth’s core emits energetic waves, so do we individuals that reside on her surface. If Mother Earth is being smothered in trash and ravaged by uncontrolled negative human behaviors then she will emit negative energetic waves from her core towards us who reside on her surface in the form of catastrophic weather. When our cores are filled with greed, pride, jealousy, bitterness and resentment among other negative thoughts and emotions, our cores will emit negative energy waves to others and Earth.

“Now I’ve looked,”, she agreed. “And I see. The treasures, the dreams, the dangers, the glorious diversity of the world and those who live in it. She’s (Earth) a generous mother who offers all we need, and she’s a child who needs our tending and care.” Excerpt From: Roberts, Nora. “The Rise of Magicks.” St. Martin’s Press.